tell me something good . . .

an intimate conversation, a closeness despite the differences between you, an old soul in a new friend ~

then a long drive home, the lights on the bridge getting brighter, closer ~ as you ponder the profound impact of a gentle voice ~

is a lovely way to spend a Thursday evening.

I spent time tonight with my friend 'Y'.  We are new friends, but she is so open, so honest, so raw at times it amazes me how she contains it all, or how a song hasn't been written about her yet.  She brims with emotion, with wisdom and warmth ~ like the cup of tea you need at the end of a long day. She listens with her heart and her eyes ~ she speaks from the soul, from her core.  And you can't help but listen ~ really listen.

Y told me about some difficult times she has had ~ about that low point that many (only a few?) of us reach when we have been dragged down by doubt ~ in ourselves and in others.  For some, that point means forgetting all the great things about yourself.  So many of us have done things to try to feel better about ourselves and/or numb the pain ~ some sleep around, some drink, some run away, many of us bury ourselves in work so we're not distracted by the emotions we don't know what to do with ~ some of us write about it so we don't have to live it.  We all do something about it, for better or worse.  Y did something about it, too.

One day she sent an email to some friends and family and, I say through sheer courage, she says through sheer need to survive, she asked them all simply, "Tell me something good about myself; I need to hear it." 

She was inundated with responses. 

I told Y how a few weeks ago our friend 'N' told me, "Think of something you really really want. ~ Now, I have no idea what it is unless you tell me."  So many of us never really tell others what we really really want ~ not as in world peace or universal health care, but that other thing, that one "thing" you need to make it all better  ~ have you told anyone about that? 

Well, Y did ~ she admitted to a whole group of people what she needed. And when she read all the responses, all the wonderful things about her, she thought, "Well then, they can't all be wrong!"  And she smiled at me.

For some of my friends, if I tried that, they would likely punch me in the arm.  I have one friend who, when I make her laugh (which is often, usually at my expense), she will put her arm around me, kiss my cheek and giggle, "damn I love you."  So, I'll take what I can get.

You think you know what I'm going to ask you, don't you? 

Well, I do want you to do something ~ I want you to think of that vital person you haven't seen in a year or in a week, or the person you woke up next to this morning, or the person you wished you had woken up next to ~ that person you should call or email or tweet or DM or text or scream at across the house ~ and I want you to tell them what you like about them ~

tell them something good ~ about themselves.  don't wait until they need to hear it.

Go ahead ~ I'll wait ~ then come back here and tell me what it was like.

And for no particular reason, or maybe at least one good one, this song [mp3] to close the evening ~ or start the day, since it's 1 am. ~ ;-)

Comments

[Kelly]

I did a bit of a twist on your request. I did this with my students. Even though I think that I am very supportive and positive with my students, I don't usually give all of them detailed, personalized positive praise. There just isn't enough time in the day. Since I have a student teacher though I pulled kids individually to talk up their positive traits. I even had them think of something good they could say about themselves.

Those little kiddos really appreciated hearing how fabulous they really are. They are usually pretty good kids but since our little talk they have been better than ever.

Thanks for the idea!

[irasali]

ha, my husband grew suspicious but ultimately thanked me.

[Kristen]

Hi there! I just wanted to say I stumbled upon your blog via Flickr. You made a comment on one of my photos and added your fabulous note to "Random Notes". So, thanks for that! But what I really wanted to say is how great your blog is. You really do have a way with words. What a great writer you are! I read your post about Barack and today's post about "tell me something good" and I truly enjoyed reading both of them very much. I'll be sure to read more. Thanks and take care! ~Kristen